My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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