Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
