I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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