It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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