This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
