also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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