mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
