Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
