I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You dont lie about slip and slides
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
