i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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