Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
