thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize