I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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