Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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