dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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