Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
