i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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