Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
