Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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