forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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