Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
