if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
