the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
