I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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