based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
