i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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