Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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