oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
