So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I supernannyed him into submission
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