so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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