I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
