the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
