I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
