you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
