I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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