got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
