Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
