My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
