I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
