Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let's get the cat blown out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
