and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
