Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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