Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
organizing the empties. That sober.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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