Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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