some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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