JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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