Can Purell be used as lube?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
