"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
