3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
