Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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