Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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