i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
