Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize