I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
