I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
