i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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