i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
