Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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