that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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