Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
