I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
