Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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