i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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