honey bunches of taint.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
