oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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