Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
