i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
