i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
