I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
